I recently received a tee shirt from one of my friends with a cactus on the front of it accompanied with the following captions “Not A Hugger”.
My friend knows me all too well! I’m not especially fond of hugging others. I admit there are moments of great excitement or great sorrow that will drive me to throw my arms around someone as a sign of support or condolence, but its not my typical social greeting. Options for me are very limited when I am greeted by someone with arms wide open. I can A: Offer my hand out for a quick handshake, B: Turn to the side and give the awkward side hug (Typically my “go to” move), or C: submit to the unwanted bear hug (this happens with Zach on a daily basis). Nonetheless, as the wife of an evangelist I have had to come to terms with the fact that others will hug me, strangers will hug me, and people in general will hug me. (*Let me also point out, that there is no defining reason for my dislike of hugs. I realize that physical and sexual abuse can cause others to have boundaries, and for very good reason. If you are not comfortable with hugs, it is ok to say no. I am only using this as an intro for the remainder of the blog. Not to try and justify that hugging strangers should be accepted.)
What I have found is – You can’t love people from a distance. To show love sometimes can be uncomfortable, you can get dirty, and sometimes loving others puts you in a vulnerable position, but in order to follow the second greatest commandment in Matthew 22:39, you must love your neighbor as yourself. Church growth will happen and the body of Christ will grow when we stop loving from a distance and start fellowshipping with one another. Sure, you may get hurt. Some of the worst hugs for me are the ones that cause pain! Whether it be the one when their shoulder nearly impels my throat. Or the ones where people think they have to squeeze hard enough to hear your ribs crack. I have never been hospitalized from a hug, so I have adopted the motto "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger." Loving others can be just as hurtful as those unwanted hugs. But as Christians we must do it. Christ didn’t ask us to love others, He didn’t suggest for us to love others, He commanded us to love others.
What made the early church work was that the apostles spent time together, breaking bread together from house to house, fellowshipping with one another. Pastors and churches have stopped fellowshipping. We are so busy, so caught up in what we are doing, that we don’t take the time to spend with our fellow believers. Pastors are busy, laymen are busy, free time is usually spent enjoying hobbies or time with family. We know that personal time is important to one’s own mental and physical health, but we have let fellowship fall through the cracks. 2 hours on a Sunday morning is not enough time to build a relationship with others. The funny thing about fellowship is it develops a loving relationship with your brothers and your sisters. And what happens when you love someone? Typically, you want to spend time with them! It has a compounding effect – fellowship leads to love, love leads to the desire to fellowship! If you are having trouble loving your congregation, try spending a little time with them.
^The rare occasion caught on camera :-)